Fast Food

I attempted to tackle the back garden today. In truth I hadn’t touched it in months and although the grass wasn’t long enough to warrant cutting there were lots of weeds, bags of rubbish, piles of cat & dog shit (I don’t have a cat), and general rubbish thrown from flats above me that needed clearing out.

It was one of those occasions where you just do not know where to start, eventually I decided to start in the far corner of the patio and just work my way around, I was pulling weeds up through the cracks in the patio for about five minutes when I suddenly noticed a massive black patch, as I went to inspect it I noticed it was moving, it was a HUGE swarm of flying ants.

Every year these bastards use my garden to breed – I have some friends on the estate who have gardens and they have confirmed they don’t have this problem, so why do they pick my garden for their yearly sexual orgy? Surely this is the kind of thing that is perfect for a condo in miami beach? Are they rubbing my face in the fact that my chances of an orgy are slim to zero? Well I wasn’t standing for it, I went to the local shop and got some powder to kill the sex-mad bastards and put an end to their fun and games.

I decided to abandon clearing the garden for another day, I placed some wood over the swarm so my dog wouldn’t get at them, or the powder, and went to get ready to go to Dartford to watch them take on my beloved Millwall in a friendly.

Friendlies are weird because I’m possibly the only person that views them as a chance to get your players ready for the upcoming season, a win is nice, but it isn’t necessary. Obviously Ian Holloway feels the same because we fielded no less than 25 players in the 1-0 victory. Some of the new players look handy, and some of the youth players look like they are ready for a chance in the first team this season.

While I was at the stadium I saw a man running out of the stadium with a stolen sausage roll hotly pursued by a group of policemen. You don’t get this kind of entertainment in the Premier League.


I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare.
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Dean Saliba is a freelance writer, professional blogger, media enthusiast, dirty football player and huge professional wrestling fan who covers a wide range of subjects and niches including, making money online, traffic generating, pro wrestling, blog reviews, football, how-to guides, music, internet marketing and more.