It turns out that I have incredibly heartless and horrible family members. I managed to fall asleep about 5am this morning, and was so exhausted that my body didn’t seem to react to me moving my aching butt. I woke up for another ‘try’ and then crawled onto the sofa with my duvet.
My sister turned up at 10am and started screaming and shouting because I would not jump up off the sofa to lock my dog away because her spoilt daughter pretended that she is scared of her. She grabbed her daughter and stormed out of the house shouting insults at me.
I don’t know why I was so surprised, this is the kind of response I get when I’m not well, actually it is the response EVERYONE gets from my family when they are ill.
My dad phoned one of his step-daughters and asked her to pick up some laxatives for me before she came to pick up her presents. I was meant to take them at night, but as they brought them around at 12pm and I intended to sleep as much as possible, I took two straight away.
The good news is that they worked wonderfully, about 5pm I managed to have a poo without tearing my dad’s handrails out of the toilet walls (he uses them to help him on and off the toilet) and I felt wonderful afterward, like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, or should that be out of my arse?
I still felt a little blockage up there so decided to take another two just before 9pm and that would clear everything up.
Or maybe the laxatives didn’t work and it was simply the news of Liverpool paying Luis Suárez £200,000+ a week to play football that made my arsehole spasm.
I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba