I use this blog to get certain things off my chest, which is why it has a lot of anger and bitching contained on it’s pages. If I didn’t then I’d be a hell of a lot more angrier and I’d be punching people left, right and centre on a daily basis.
Yesterday I had what some people might call a moment of clarity. I realised that I’ve been chasing a friendship that has always been out of my reach since day one. And it was giving both me and someone else a great deal of pain and problems.
I’m not going to slag her off because it isn’t her fault, it’s mine.
I’ve really tried to be nice and friendly to her but I obviously didn’t do a very good job of showing this because every time I tried to be nice to her, or make a nice gesture, she just got either upset with me or really angry with me. I’ve never been good at getting my point across in written (or typed) form.
I’ve told her on a couple of occasions that I really care about her (that’s why I do these nice things), and that I want us to be friends, but she thinks I’m being flippant. I’ll be honest, it hurt me slightly when she would prefer to sit on her own and sob her eyes out rather than let me jump on the bus and meet up with her and get her out of the house for a walk, a drink, a film or something.
Quite a bitter pill to swallow when someone would rather sit in a room on their own and cry rather than meet you.
She doesn’t believe I care about her, she should ask poor Will how many times I’ve bent his ear asking him for advice on what to do with regards to her. I’m sure he is glad when he comes onto Facebook and finds I’m not online. 🙂
It was quite obvious that the situation was worsening the problems that we both have, so I made the rather difficult decision to put a bit of distance between us for a bit. We contact mainly online so I took her off my Facebook, Twitter and MSN lists.
It really is for the best, I think. When she doesn’t talk to me she is happier in life (she denies this but it is painfully clear to see) and I don’t want to be around her when I eventually succeed with what I’ve tried to do before.
I don’t want her around when that shit goes down.
I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba