Why can’t people just fuck off and leave me alone without me having to point it out to them in a really blunt and harsh way? I’m tired of having to explain the reasons why I push people away when they get a little bit too close to me. Just accept it and move on instead of questioning it.

I’m giving you an out of jail free card as it were!

It makes me feel even worse when I have to turn around and say to people “Look, I don’t do friendships, I cause more trouble than I’m worth, now fuck off away from me!” Because apparently that is very rude.

It is nobody’s fault but my own. I let people get close to me and then I freak out and push them away. If this person had walked when I told them to then they could have forgotten about me by now and got on with their life instead of sitting in their house getting angry at me and even more stressed out about it.

I wish I could try and make this person understand that this has got nothing to do late-night text messages or me trying to be a martyr. I was trying to save this person from getting even more stressed and upset than they were already. Yet they ended up even worse because they wouldn’t walk away.

I know what is coming, I’ve been in this situation many times before. You won’t like the horrible, sarcastic, bitchy, insulting side of me so you should have fucked off out of it as soon as I told you to.

I got my ticket through yesterday, I’m going to see Blur play at Hyde Park on July 3rd. I was going to buy two tickets but decided against it as the person I wanted to take with me is one of the people I allowed to get too close to me and has now been pushed firmly to the side.

In August I’m going to Underworld in Camden to see an American punk-rock band called The Luchagors. I’ve heard some of their stuff and like it. It has nothing to do with the singer being really hot and being a former wrestler and anyone who says otherwise is a liar!

I’ve had my brother staying with me for the past two days which has been as much fun as dying of an incurable disease. He was not even in the house and trouble started. The dog was so pleased to see him she jumped at the door and it closed, locking us out of the house.

I had left the oven on so had no alternative but to smash the rest of the broken window in my room and climb through it. Nobody came out to investigate the loud sound of smashing glass as my foot went through the window repeatedly, which shows you what kind of estate I live on where this is normal behavior.

I’m going to see if I can find a shop that is open at this kind of night, and maybe a bus to jump in front of.

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay