I awoke at about 9am with a bit of a head on me from the alcohol the night before, I actually forgot that I was sharing my single bed and Daphne knew I had forgotten when I twonked her on the head with my arm and she let out a groan.
I did not hit her that hard, I want to make it quite clear that I do not make a habit of getting women into bed and then battering them with my forearm as they sleep soundly! Although, upon reflection, it is a great way to get rid of them in the morning!
I went and had a shower and I started packing my stuff up (I had to be out of the room by 10:30) Daphne went and showered as well, she returned just as I had finished packing, great timing sweetheart!
She wanted to take me to a cafe and buy me some breakfast as we were both hungry after smelling the aroma wafting up from the kitchen downstairs. I’m a modern man and I will happily allow a beautiful woman (or even an ugly one) to buy me things so I was more than happy to
eat pick at food for free.
Afterwards we walked to Newhaven Town station and after a kiss, and me giving her my phone number, off she went towards the ferry port where her friend was going to meet her with her bag. I stood there watching her lovingly as she turned and waved at me …. and almost get run over by a huge lorry.
It was then that I suddenly felt something in the pit of my stomach. Anyone who goes out Saturday night will tell you of the weekly Sunday morning bowel movement and I knew from past experience that my bowel movement was about to make a very unwelcome appearance!
When I used to get these train weekly they always had toilets, that was about 13 years ago, so as long as it was on time then I would not have a problem. I had become quite uncomfortable and started to walk up and down the platform, this obviously did not bother the people on the other platform but on my platform there was only me and a young lady who was so worried by my ‘prowling’ that she left the station in a very speedy fashion and did not return until the train had arrived. Probably assuming that I would not attack her with a train of people on board, oh how little she knew me!
Once on board I tried to seek out the toilet but could not find it, the guard told me these trains no longer have toilets … NOW we have a problem!
I had decided to make a stop in Seaford to have a few last minutes pints before going back to London and as I walked out of Seaford station I had a new mission for the day, the new mission was to find a pub with a toilet that was open to the public at 11am on a Sunday morning!
There are 11 pubs in Seaford, surely one of them would be open at this time? Well not the four that I found. One of them had their doors open but was not open to the public, the bastards!
I started thinking about other places that might have a toilet, places like MacDonald’s. I even thought about going into a church to use their toilet but thought better of it. Just as I was about to give up hope I spotted a sign that glimmered at me like a shining daytime star, it read: TOILETS!
I followed the sign hoping that it was not some kind of cruel hoax, after all what town still has public toilets in this day and age? Well it turned out that not only does Seaford still have toilets but bloody spotless toilets with plenty of toilet paper!
I dived into the only cubicle and just had enough time to put toilet paper over the seat and park my bum before what seemed like the entire world fell out of my arse. After wiping, and saying a small prayer to a God that I don’t actually believe in, I felt much better and possibly left the toilet about a stone lighter.
I wanted to buy some bottles/cans of local beer to bring back home as I had promised to give some to Reiss and Wayne, sadly the only decent offy in Seaford is the one I used to frequent as a school kid called Roy’s Liquor Store and although they had a decent offering none of them were local.
The only beer I could find was the lovely Black Sheep that I had consumed in Hastings the day before. I bought 6 bottles and then proceeded to shove them into my already full sports bag because I was damned if I was going to go home with a bag of clinking noise!
Thankfully the ride back to London was pretty uneventful, no speed-snorting arseholes or screaming children, although I did have to sit opposite two teenage girls who had to be told of several times by the grown-up accompanying them as they kept kicking the table and my shins!
I did feel petty sad as the train pulled out of Seaford station as although I was quite miserable on Friday I did end up enjoying myself Saturday and Sunday. I am planning on going back maybe in the early part of next year, I am definitely going back for the Seaford Live 09 festival in September next year.
I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba