Well it has certainly been a long time since I’ve felt this low and shitty. Even lower than when I tried to kill myself twice in a week about a month ago. I’m not sure but I think it might be something to do with me missing someone. Just because I’ve decided to keep a distance doesn’t mean I don’t care about them and won’t miss them.
I pretty much stayed in bed all day, barring a couple of trips to take the dog for a quick walk. I just didn’t have the will to get up and do anything. I just laid in bed sleeping, watching DVDs, mucking about on the computer and wondering what the hell I’m going to do about recent incidents in my life.
Or maybe I stayed in bed because when I got up to take the dog out I stubbed my toe on some fitness equipment. It sounds better than admitting that I kicked my weights…
I was supposed to go football training today but I just didn’t fancy it. I would have ended up fighting people there. I’m probably going to cancel going out this weekend.
Friday I’m meant to be meeting up with someone I haven’t seen in ages for a couple of beers. I’ll text him tomorrow and cancel. We haven’t socialised with each other in about two years, don’t want our meet up to end in me getting into a brawl.
Saturday I’ve been invited by Will to Slimelight. I wasn’t sure if I was going to go as I was waiting to find out who else is going, but even if a certain someone isn’t going I think I might not go. I know a fair few people are going and I don’t want to sour the night with my mood.
Sunday is probably the biggest choker.
I’ve got a ticket to see Evil & Entombed support Amon Amarth in Camden. I’ve been looking forward to it for fucking ages but I’m having second thoughts now. Not just because I might get into a fight but because ‘someone’ is going and that will be really awkward.
You see this is why I’m never nice to people! I’ll make a mental note of this “don’t be nice to people in future!”
I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba