Stand-up comedy, for me, has always been a source of entertainment, enjoyment and even comfort. In the days when I have felt like finishing it all I have turned to my trusted friend Mr./Ms. Stand-Up Comedy to help me raise my spirits in a way that only it (Mr./Ms. Stand-Up Comedy is a hermaphrodite) can.
A couple of days ago my trusted friend stabbed me in the back, anally raped me and then ran off with my (imaginary) girlfriend and all of my (imaginary) money.
A couple of days ago I settled down to watch the British Comedy Awards. A ceremony where comics and writers come together and receive recognition for being funny, writing great funny programmes and generally contributing to the industry in some way.
There were some disappointments: Stewart Lee not getting the Best Stand Up Performer award was a big blow for me. That baby went to Michael McIntyre. I think Stewart Lee is funnier than him and the other nomination, Frankie Boyle. Although I do find Frankie Boyle amusing.
When I spell-checked this post it said that the name ‘McIntyre’ was not in the processor dictionary, it offered me an alternative: Mintier. You can’t write this stuff sometimes.
I was already annoyed that Richard Herring was not even invited to the show (he hasn’t been nominated or invited since 1992 apparently) despite touring and putting on gigs all over the country consistently.
The biggest kick the in the teeth came when Peter Kay, that useless fat cunt who tells unfunny jokes about the past, received the outstanding contribution to comedy award.
WHAT?! WHEN?! HOW?!
He has done three tours and they all had the same FUCKING jokes in them. He did two average TV sitcoms that were only funny when his writing partners (often uncredited) would write them in among the hilarious quotes such as “garlic bread?”
Every year for the past seven years he has released a DVD of bits and pieces that we have all seen before, he made a name for himself by stealing other people’s jokes and he is an utter cunt!
There are so many people who deserve that award more than he does. I deserve that award more than he does and I’m not even a comedian!
Even his acceptance speech was shit. A perfect opportunity wasted for someone to attack him with a statue
Thankfully my trusted friend came back to me with a bunch of flowers and some chocolates to try and apologise when Graham Linehan won the Ronnie Barker/ Writers’ Guild of Great Britain Award.
It brought a tear to my eye watching the entire audience rise to their feet, as one, and give him a standing ovation. For anyone who does not know who he is; Graham wrote Big Train, Father Ted, Black Books, The IT Crowd and was on the writing team of a host of other great shows going back to the late 80s.
THAT is someone who deserves a fucking award.
I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba