Acton Town’s first team took an absolute pounding yesterday as we were battered 11-0 at home against Uxbridge Town. It was not a case of Uxbridge Town being a good team, it was more a case of us making them look ten times better than they actually were.

Having a man sent off in the 7th minute probably did not help matters. We could have been down to nine men when I got involved with one of there players who slapped my arm away and then shoved me in the throat, but Daryl (our captain) decided to calm me down by screaming in my face and someone (I’m not sure who) had to practicually jump on me to stop me slapping our on-pitch leader.

I met up with my good friend Reiss and we spent the evening in the Mucky Pup (an excellent pub situated in a backstreet in Islington) drinking and watching Reiss fail spectactually in pulling women. Maybe he needs to change his chat-up technque?

Our reserve team made ammends though as we beat Norfolk & Chance 3-1, our reserve team are are actually playing better as we have own three games wher as the first team have only managed the one win.

I almost thought I was not going to make it as i woke up a little worse for wear and the trains were severely delayed due to various engineering works and someone starting a fire at Holburn station, but I did make it and was actually pleased with my performance.

About 20 minutes to go I started feeling light-headed and my stomach started making weird noises. I managed to get myself changed and into the toilet before I deposited the biggest poo I have ever done in my life. I looked at the toilet roll holder and saw there was no toilet paper, it is at times like this that I am glad I always take toilet paper with me when I go to football just in case!

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I am running the 2018 London Marathon to raise money for Livability UK in memory of my dad. If you can I'd appreciate any donation you can spare. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/deansaliba
News Reporter
Dean Saliba is a freelance writer, professional blogger, media enthusiast, dirty football player and huge professional wrestling fan who covers a wide range of subjects and niches including, making money online, traffic generating, pro wrestling, blog reviews, football, how-to guides, music, internet marketing and more.